George Carlin Quotes About Comedy
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I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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Always do whatever's next.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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I think of shock as kind of an uptown form of surprise. Comedy is filled with surprise, so when I cross a line... I like to find out where the line might be and then cross it deliberately, and then make the audience happy about crossing the line with me.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
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One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
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Comedy, I figured, was the thing that came to me the most easily. Playing the trumpet and piano took practice. I thought that was a waste of time. I'd go out on the street corner and be funny. In a minute.
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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
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It's the American view that everything has to keep climbing: productivity, profits, even comedy.
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Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken word, the writing that goes into it is an art form - it's certainly artistry.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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The status quo sucks.
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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Comedy is grievances. It's a recitation of grievances - whether they're inconsequential, superficial - like "my wife shops too much", or "kids today", all those old-fashioned themes - or, if it's deeper, and somewhat more thoughtful, about social imbalance and inequities, and the folly of human behavior. It's usually a complaint.
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There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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