Rodney Dangerfield Quotes About Wife
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her, Where's the car? She said, In a lake.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
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I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.
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I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I quit. Then I got married and sold aluminum siding. My wife had problems physically. It was not good.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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