Henny Youngman Quotes About Wife
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does!
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!"
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All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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Take my wife... Please!
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Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did
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My wife and I got remarried. Our divorce didn't work out.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"
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I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."
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Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!"
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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I said to my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' She said, 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'
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My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week.
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Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it.
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I bought my wife a little Italian car. A Mafia. It has a hood under the hood.
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