W. C. Fields Quotes About Drinking
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking. That this happens is a matter of record. But the blame is always placed on whisky. Why this should be I never could understand. You can die from drinking too much of anything - coffee, water, milk, soft drinks and all such stuff as that. And so as long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing. I will make mine whisky.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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