Steven Wright Quotes About Time
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I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.
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