Steven Wright Quotes About Speed
-
I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy 'Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?' He said 'I don't know'. I said 'I don't want your job'.
→ -
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
→ -
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
→ -
I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.
→ -
The speed of time is one second per second.
→ -
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
→ -
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
→ -
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
→ -
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
→ -
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
→ -
I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
→
Related Authors
-
Norm MacDonald Comedian -
Louis C. K. Comedian -
Paula Poundstone Comedian -
Bobcat Goldthwait Actor -
George Carlin Comedian -
Eddie Izzard Comedian -
Denis Leary Actor -
Bill Hicks Comedian -
Bill Cosby Comedian -
Henny Youngman Comedian -
Demetri Martin Comedian -
Roberto Benigni Actor -
Groucho Marx Comedian -
Anthony Jeselnik Comedian -
Emo Philips Entertainer -
Johnny Carson Host -
Bob Newhart Stand-up comedian -
Edward Bunker Author -
Richard Pryor Comedian -
Mitch Hedberg Comedian