Neil Simon Quotes
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I never write a play with an eye to film.
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Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you'll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.
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[When you write a play] you walk into a forest without a knife, without a compass. But . . . if you have a sense of geography, you find that you're clearing a path and getting to the right place.
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I don’t like writing for comedians. I like writing for actors. The best comedians are the best actors.
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Money brings some happiness. But after a certain point, it just brings more money.
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There's no such thing as a sure thing. That's why they call it gambling.
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Writers feel like a middleman, standing with pen in hand over the page. A force greater than me stands above telling me what to write. That may sound romantic, but that's how it feels.
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I don't use computers... I'm someone who needs to see the page right away in my hand.
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Once you've opened yourself up, it's best to go all the way.
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I firmly believe that if you follow a path that interests you, not to the exclusion of love, sensitivity, and cooperation with others, but with the strength of conviction that you can move others by your own efforts, and do not make success or failure the criteria by which you live, the chances are you'll be a person worthy of your own respects.
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Once you start compromising your thoughts, you're a candidate for mediocrity.
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Evan Handler's new book is simply wonderful. He pulls you inside his life, and you come out his very close friend.
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I understand. You work very hard two days a week and you need a five-day weekend. That's normal.
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Goldie Hawn is funny, sexy, beautiful, talented, intelligent, warm, and consistently sunny. Other than that, she doesn't impress me at all.
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All humor is based on hostility - that's why World War Two was funny.
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Don't listen to those who say, you taking too big a chance. Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor, and it would surely be rubbed out by today.
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He's too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie.
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I much prefer writing an original movie with the screen in mind to transferring a play to the screen.
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How long do you want to wait until you start enjoying life? When you're sixty-five you get social security.
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Standing on a ledge again. Everyone laughs at dancing monkey with the typewriter. Not for long, though.
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You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy.
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When its 100 degrees in New York, it's 72 in Los Angeles. When its 30 degrees in New York, in Los Angeles it's still 72. However, there are 6 million interesting people in New York, and only 72 in Los Angeles.
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If no one ever took risks, Michaelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor.
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Everyone thinks they can write a play; you just write down what happened to you. But the art of it is drawing from all the moments of your life.
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It looks different when you're sober; I thought I had twice as much furniture.
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I was constantly being dragged out of movies for laughing too loud.
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New York is not Mecca. It just smells like it.
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Baptists are only funny underwater.
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Give your mind a chance to travel through foreign languages.
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I feel like writing about a time when I was probably, and think all of us are, the happiest before the obligations start in.
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