Joan Rivers Quotes About Funny
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Better laid than never.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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Never floss with a stranger.
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I now consider it a good day when I don't step on my boobs.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played "Here Comes the Bride".
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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The people voting for the Oscars are so old. I haven't seen one Academy award voter with a tampon in her purse.
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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
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