Phyllis Diller Quotes About Inspirational
-
I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
→ -
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
→ -
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
→ -
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows.
→ -
Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood.
→ -
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
→ -
I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish.
→ -
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
→ -
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
→ -
It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
→ -
Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
→ -
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
→ -
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
→ -
Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
→ -
I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate.
→ -
Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
→ -
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
→ -
There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
→ -
Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
→ -
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
→ -
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
→ -
Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.
→ -
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
→ -
For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
→ -
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
→ -
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
→ -
The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
→ -
He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
→ -
It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
→ -
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
→