Meghan O'Rourke Quotes About Loss
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Nothing prepared me for the loss of my mother. Even knowing that she would die did not prepare me.
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Many researchers say the dominant emotion experienced after loss is yearning or searching. And while you might feel more anger early on, it's accompanied by a whole host of other feelings.
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Relationships take up energy; letting go of them, psychiatrists theorize, entails mental work. When you lose someone you were close to, you have to reassess your picture of the world and your place in it. The more your identity was wrapped up with the deceased, the more difficult the loss.
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Television has never known what to do with grief, which resists narrative: the dramas of grief are largely internal - for the bereaved, it is a chaotic, intense, episodic period, but the chaos is by and large subterranean, and easily appears static to the friendly onlooker who has absorbed the fact of loss and moved on.
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Loss is so paradoxical: It is at once enormous and tiny.
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And after my mother's death I became more open to and empathetic about other people's struggles and losses.
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Be patient with yourself. Don't make the loss harder by thinking you should be a certain way, or have bounced back, etc.
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One of the grubby truths about a loss is that you don't just mourn the dead person, you mourn the person you got to be when the lost one was alive. This loss might even be what affects you the most.
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Faith does help mourners survive their loss, some studies suggest; but I imagine one still struggles.
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There are many kinds of loss embedded in a loss - the loss of the person, and the loss of the self you got to be with that person. And the seeming loss of the past, which now feels forever out of reach.
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Loss doesn't feel redeemable. But for me one consoling aspect is the recognition that, in this at least, none of us is different from anyone else: We all lose loved ones; we all face our own death.
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